Who hasn't heard of TikTok and it's incredible powers of both good and evil? Today, we get to talk with our personal social media superhero, Jen Hamilton!
A strong force in the TikTok community, Jen's hilarious and vulnerable videos are helping millions through sharing her own journey from body shame, to body neutrality, to body positivity. An incredibly real and genuine spirit, Jen hopes that by opening her heart for all to see, others can find love in themselves. We hope you enjoy our interview with her as much as we did.
Let’s just dive right in and hear a bit about your background for those who may not know you! Who are you, where are you from and what do you do?
Let's do it! My name is Jen Hamilton, I’m a labor and delivery (L&D) nurse in North Carolina and previously worked in the emergency department. I have two boys and a marriage that has seen its struggles but gets stronger every day. I started using TikTok last year during the pandemic, and I had no idea it would make me famous! It’s allowed me to go part-time as a nurse, so I usually only work weekends, which is perfect for me. So now TikTok is my full-time job.
You saw Covid first hand while working in both L&D and the emergency department at the height of the pandemic. How was that different than you expected?
Working in two separate departments, I got to see Covid from two different angles: in the ER, it affected us in the sense of the heightened worry in our patients. We were overrun with people coming in with normal cold symptoms to check if it was Covid, which carried a lot of fear that you could feel in a full waiting room. In L&D, you’ve got not one but two people to take care of, one of which you can’t even see, so it can already be high-stress without other things being added. We didn’t know at the time how it would affect mom and baby. The last thing we want is to increase anxiety during birth, so it was tough. As we continue to learn more about the virus, we’ve been able to find safe ways to do normal procedures again for deliveries.
How did you cope with all that?
In the job, my ability to cope had a lot to do with my co-workers. Even if it was scary, everybody was going through it at the exact same time. Having a strong family environment at work and knowing your buddy’s got you made all the difference. Through social media, I used that support I felt to help ease the fear, anxiety, and depression that are all symptoms of a pandemic as a whole. I want others to not feel so alone, to remind everyone there’s other people going through the same thing. When you have really bad days like we did and you don’t have anyone to lean on, it makes it that much harder. So I put it out there for those who wanted or needed that, too.
You went from Woman bod, to Mom bod, to New bod. Describe the journey of that transition from when you first said yes to the healing process.
My desire to have the surgery had been there for a long time. After my first child, I thought “I’m getting this (my body) taken care of”. But I knew if I did at that time, it would have been to hate myself less, because truth be told, I hated myself. And what happens when you hate someone? They can change what you want, but you’ll just find a new thing not to like about them. I see that all the time on tummy tuck groups online, women posting how much they hate themselves and how much they want the surgery, but then after they’re still unhappy. It’s a constant cycle of reaching for something that is unattainable. I didn’t want that. I knew I needed to learn body neutrality first, then I could change things more out of love for myself. I refused to save money for the surgery for years because I knew I wasn’t yet in a healthy mental place where I was doing it out of love instead of hate.
Before I got to that place, my husband and I went through a hard time, and I went to counseling to address my sense of self-worth. While that deeply personal part was under a microscope, my counselor helped me find strategies to begin looking at myself differently. The first question my counselor asked was “Who are you?”. I gave the typical answer, “I think I’m a good wife/nurse/mom”. She said “I don’t want to know what you think. Those are all roles that you fill. I asked, ‘Who you are.’” I just started crying. I had no clue who I was outside of those roles. I couldn’t even tell you where I liked to eat. That moved me to try to find love for myself. I wanted the surgery, but I was still standing in front of the mirror pinching, pulling, self-degrading, something pretty much every woman has done at some point. She had me stand in front of a mirror and thank each part of my body that I disliked. My body was able to grow, nourish and carry two babies, and I needed to appreciate that. I had to start small, just looking in the mirror and thinking “I’m okay”. But you know what? With practice, I was able to see my body as a house for my soul and say “I’m good!”. Only at that point did I feel like I could pull the trigger on the surgery.
Along with that mental shift, I had really good expectations that this was only going to change two physical things: I was getting a new tummy and bigger shmoobies. Nothing else. I kept the bar low. I realized we’re allowed to change ourselves, but things go much better when it comes from a place of love and not expecting perfection.
You’ve been very vulnerable and open with your personal life during this transition. What made you decide to make all of this public?
Honestly, it came out of me trying to accept myself. Because if I’m hiding in the dark, my body and how I feel, I’m inherently saying I am not worth showing. It was really vulnerable for me to put myself out there, and I was really scared. I had to ask myself, ‘Am I in a place where I can accept criticism in my body?’ But what I found was everyone on TikTok was there just to lift each other up. Being open was one way I was able to accept myself, after seeing all these other people accept me for who I am, not how I look. It helps me to see all the other great parts of me that don’t have anything to do with my physical body bring joy to others.
How have you dealt with the negativity surrounding your surgery?
My initial reaction was to respond to every negative comment. I spent a lot of time looking into those people’s profiles. Why were they so hateful? I had to take the same approach to haters as I did to myself - approaching first with empathy instead of anger, and understanding projection. I remember one man had a really hard time with my forehead, he said some stuff that really wasn’t nice. But I paused and thought, ‘He’s probably always been teased about his forehead. He’s not talking about my forehead, he’s talking about his’. Through counseling and this journey, I understand that hurt people hurt people. They want someone to feel bad with them, not just feel bad. If I respond via video, I try to stick with empathy. That helps it not to hurt so much when people are mean. Plus it takes off the pressure to be everyone’s cup of tea.
What would you say to Mom’s dealing with body dysmorphia or shame?
First thing, I know exactly how it feels to go from someone you recognize to someone you don’t. We don’t talk about how through pregnancy and delivery, our bodies change, and we automatically feel the change is bad instead of this wonderful thing. We don’t grasp that there’s a huge transition when your body makes life. You go from having a body that you’re familiar with to one you don’t recognize in a short amount of time. We can’t see that there’s a purpose to the stretch marks and sagging skin. Of course you’re going to feel out of sorts when your physical person is one way, then for 9 months another way, then doesn’t go back to what you knew before and you feel like a shell of destroyed skin. If your mind isn’t able to shift along with your body, you’ll certainly have a negative view of yourself. Dysmorphia for moms is more prevalent than ever, and it's just not feasible to expect to feel fine right away. We should stop expecting that to be a norm. But if you can get to a place where you believe your body's here to serve a purpose and not fulfill some sort of fantasy, that’s the beginning of acceptance.
Also, own your value. I think about all the times I would pick up some clothing off of the rack, see that it costs $30 dollars, and put it back because in my head, I was not worth the money. Someone else was more worthy of my money, like my kids, my husband, my friends. Every single time I put something back that I liked, I was telling myself “I’m Not Worth It”. If you add all that up, that’d be about the cost of a Mommy Makeover.
What got you into TikTok?
My friend Lauren asked if I was on TikTok, and I was like, “No.” I knew it was going to be a time suck. So, I downloaded it just to watch one funny video. At the time, I was getting into furniture re-do’s as a way to raise money for friends who were adopting. I would just go down random streets, look for stuff on the side of the road, take it home, make it pretty, and then sell it online. I started making these cheesy fake ad videos to go with them. They ended up selling really quickly, and for way more money than I ever spent on fixing them up. After seeing them do well, I started having fun with mom jokes and being silly and making fun of myself, and every once in awhile one I’d make would go viral with an insane amount of views. I slowly started gaining more and more followers, and I even had patients recognize me! The anesthesia video post-operation definitely got me the most followers. But it’s all been super fun. I’ve had a blast! This year has seriously been the best year of my life. Not that long ago, 2019, was my worst. My husband and I had broken up, I felt worthless like a lump of you-know-what on the ground. But I realized that since starting TikTok, I was setting goals for myself and actually accomplishing them. Some were things I wanted to achieve, some were things I wanted to do. It started with getting 1 million followers on TikTok, and then getting a Mommy Makeover. I also got braces, taught ultrasound IV classes at work, organized a certification course through work, and became board certified. Every single goal I set for myself I met. The community on TikTok gave me the confidence to follow through with each of them, and they’ve become my hype crew. I love it.
Is it difficult to be a positive force on social media?
It’s difficult when I have a positive thing to share, but then people report my videos for no reason. Getting banned on TikTok is a much bigger deal than people know. It changes how my day goes in real life. Everything gets put on hold for several days until TikTok looks at my appeal. I recently got banned for walking to my own car with the Wobble song in the background. That wasn’t easy. Having videos pulled like that keeps views low, and I have to deal with the ramifications of that. That’s when it's hard for me to stay positive because it’s frustrating. It's the haters doing their normal thing, but in a way that you can’t ignore.
How could other social media users use TikTok for more education and positivity?
I would first ask people to do the hard work for themselves before they counsel others. I had to learn it first. I had to read books, I had to have those days of crap in order to change my situation mentally. Do the hard work for yourself, go through it. Then as you’re learning, share that. That’s the biggest hurdle in being a force for good on TikTok is having the vulnerability to share your journey with the world. Even if you have one follower, you may be saying something someone needs to hear.
If you could say one thing to your audience, what would it be?
You are worth it! Whatever it is, you’re worth it!
Go check out Jen's TikTok at @_jen_hamilton_ and on Instagram at @_jen_hamilton_
For sweet Jen Hamilton merchandise, check out her website here.
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