Her first collection was a best seller. Her positive social prowess is known across the internet. And her newest collaboration with us is just in time for the New Year.
We're thrilled to be back with one of our favorite humans and inspiration for lifelong health, Ashley F.! In today's interview, she fills us in on the good things that have come out of the last two crazy years, her strategy or recharging your positivity and how to lead in a family that's learning healthy wellness for the first time.
I’m so glad I get to interview you again! For those who don’t know you, can you tell me a little about who you are and your story?:
My name is Ashley, I’m 35 and I’m a Mom to two! In my own journey, I spent most of my life wanting to change my body. I was always the “bigger, funny friend”, not the “good looking” one. I spent my childhood never really accepting myself. That went all the way through college, into adulthood, and into pregnancy with each of my kids. I gained 60 lbs each time, which was a big detriment to my health. I was actually on bed rest with my second pregnancy due to complications from that, which was major for me. After I had my first girl Peyton, I found WW and it worked well for me. But after I had Riley, my Dad passed away, and I felt like I’d lost everything, including caring about myself. So my health went straight to the back burner.
Fast forward to when I got back into WW: I was hitting it pretty hardcore, and eventually got down to my goal weight. Then… 2020 happened. Once the pandemic hit, I gained some of the weight back. But through that gain, amazingly, I actually learned to appreciate myself a little more.
The last two years were doozies - any valuable lessons from them?:
Body positivity really came through for me in 2020. Unlike before, when I purposefully stayed out of family photos, I kept taking pictures anyway, so I knew I was getting to a good place. I started lifting weights to build back muscle that I’d lost. My clothes were a little tighter than normal, but I felt better about myself. Then I had a mental switch: If I feel better when I’m at my strongest but not my smallest, that means I’ve been lying to myself about what being the quintessential person is. It was ingrained in me that smaller meant you’re everything you’re supposed to be. So if I’m feeling good about myself when I’m not my smallest… What the heck does that mean?
That’s when I saw I needed to relearn what we’ve all been taught: The scale doesn’t determine my worth. I determine my worth. I’m not more or less valuable because of my size. And once that clicked, things have continued to get better and better!
What made you decide to start building up a home gym and dive into Peloton?:
We moved out of town and away from our gym, so it was no longer an option to go 5 minutes from home to get a workout in. It had to be at home. So when we built our house, I stood my ground on needing to have my own space so I could do workouts myself. And now I have a workout room, filled with the things that give me inspiration. It was an investment for me, but it was so worth it!
What’s your favorite part about Peloton?:
I wanted to maintain that community-sense that the gym gave me, and Peloton definitely has that! When I log on for a ride, there’s hundreds of people doing the same workouts I am. You can send out high fives, and you can do it live if you want. When you meet somebody who has a Peloton, you instantly bond. It’s called “the P family” for a reason! Just like the Lilac Market Headbands.
I also love the fact that you can redo the same workout as many times as you want. When I’m feeling down, I will go back and redo a class that I’ve done, just to see how I feel from the first time.
Cheering on others has been my favorite part of the online community, too. Watching cardio bunnies pick up a weight for the first time, or doing body weight exercises and really accepting who they are at every part of their journey is incredible. You can’t hate your way to self-acceptance.
And finally, being a part of this family has helped me remove toxic thoughts, even people, from my life. I’ve said “no” to a lot of people who didn’t lean into the light that I was trying to stay in. I’ve seen a change in social media itself this last year, which is great, and Peloton has definitely helped with that healthier mindset for so many people.
What are your favorite Peloton workouts?:
I have a favorite instructor for different things! It’s all about how I’m feeling. If I feel free, it’s Cody. If I need inspiration, it’s Alex or Tunde. For strength, Daniel or Adrian. If I want to die, Serena. The new instructor Camilla makes me just feel good. She’s a woman with curves, and I love how real she is!
Incorporating family into a healthier mindset can be challenging. How are you getting your two beautiful daughters involved?:
It started off completely visual. When I first started working out, I went out of the house to the gym. They never saw what I did. So now when they constantly interrupt me and come into the workout room, they see me working out on the weekends, putting in the work. They see it’s not all torture, which is amazing because when I was growing up, exercise was done because my mother had a big meal or she needed to “work it off” before a trip. Now, I want my children to see that it’s fun. They come in and sometimes they want to be a part of it. But it can be like baking a cake: you want to let them help, but inside you’re screaming because they’re not doing it “right”. But I never say no. They’ve developed their own favorite instructors. Peyton has her own profile, and her favorite ride is the Greatest Showman! I can’t tell you how many times she’s done that. They have Broadway rides, and she’ll belt them all out while she’s riding. And Riley’s favorite thing is to do strength workouts with me. They’re very different in how they do things and what they like, and Peloton allows for that.
Have you seen your choices for your own wellness affect your girls?:
Absolutely. Peyton will school Riley a bit on important life lessons, because Riley isn’t fully there yet. Peyton will literally beat me to the punch with speaking up. When someone made fun of Riley, Peyton said “Do you like it? Then it doesn’t matter.” Watching her lean into who she is while showing her sister without me saying a word, I was like “wow… okay!”. And then for herself, she had to try out for volleyball. I never would have done anything competitive like that when I was her age. She didn’t know a soul, and did it anyway because it’s what she wanted to do. And from being told she was obese at 6 years old and immediatley worrying about what she ate after, to seeing how she’s blossomed, it’s been awesome. And Riley just beats to her own drum. She dances like everybody is watching, and has no shame like I did. She radiates something that draws you in. Even though she’s a kid, her confidence rubs off on me sometimes, too.
Health and wellness is more than just a New Year’s goal for you, it’s a lifelong habit. What’s some advice you have for sticking with positive changes?:
If you can make it through January in a healthy light where you're able to see that today can be better than yesterday, you’re doing enough. Everything doesn’t have to be hunky-dory. There’s a special place where I’m still trying to balance those days of wanting to quit versus sticking with it, and that’s one of the hardest things to do. But apparently, you can find it, I’m an example of that!
Everyone is in that all-or-nothing mentality right now. By the second week of February, the majority of people are quitting their new gym memberships or programs they started on January 1st. There’s two reasons why that happens: 1. You put too much pressure on yourself. 2. You treat every day like all-or-nothing. You have to learn balance (it’s a behavior, not a born skill), because that’s the only thing that’s sustainable.
Life is full of celebrations, ups and downs, and days you can’t get out of bed - and you have to accept that. I know people who work out hardcore every single day, it just doesn't work long term. Eating 1,200 calories and forcing your body to its max doesn't work. Then you reach your goal weight - what now? Do you still think you need to work on your body and tone up more? When is it enough? If at age 16, at age 20, at 30, you still hated yourself no matter what, that should tell you that the negativity isn’t really about your body or the way you look. That’s still chasing numbers.
What would you say to someone just starting to make movement a lifestyle?:
There’s nothing wrong with modifications. They’re constantly telling you ways to modify, so you can definitely do it! I didn’t do a tabata until I got on the bike with my friend Trish, she actually made me do a ride in one of the Beyonce classes. I actually cried because I was giving it my all (in a good way), and I just had such an emotional release and was so proud. And I didn't die - you won’t either! Focusing on form helps a lot. I actually have better form because every teacher has given me some little thing that helps. And they can’t see you, so leave it all on the floor!
What advice would you give to someone who doesn’t have a lot of family support for making wellness a priority?:
Not everyone will like this, but in a way, you have to learn to be your own support. I love my husband to death, but he is the same size he was in high school and can eat whatever he wants. He’s never been one to make the call on saying no to junk food. And in the end, you’re the only one who will always be there in every decision you make. And just because you don’t have family support doesn’t mean you don’t have friend support. Chosen family can be some of the best teammates, and don’t be afraid to open up to someone you trust. Reach out to them, they’re your friends for a reason.
And if you have children, while you’re not supposed to rely on them, they can inspire the hell out of you. Use what they’re doing to fuel you on your own bad days (I say this as I’m watching one of my own daughters do something I never would have done at her age, play volleyball!).
What keeps you going when negative self-talk creeps in?:
I don’t always keep going. Sometimes I go to that darker place. I’ve sat on the floor of my closet bawling my eyes out because pants didn’t fit. I would think, “How could I let this happen?” That literally does nothing for me but send me down a shame spiral. It’s always a choice. I can either let it overpower me and everything I've worked for, or I can feel all the feelings, acknowledge them because you have to, and then go OK… I’m a kick-butt witch (I’ll censor myself, but you catch my drift!), and I have to figure it out. And simply let myself say yes, I had a bad day. We all do. But if I go through that shame spiral, it’ll only affect me negatively. Do I want to live there? Or do I want to live on the bright side in the light?
How do you recharge?:
I like to talk things out, or journal. Then I like to do something. I need emotional release, and for me that’s activity, or doing something with friends, things that remind me of myself again. Because for 7 years, I lost myself and didn’t know who I was after becoming a mom. When I feel like myself, that’s when I’m at my best. That focus just brings it in and reminds me why I want to be the best I can be, and how awesome I really am! It gives me time to be me instead of mom, wife, worker, and encourager.
Let’s talk about this newest collaboration with us, Authentic Ambition Pt. II. What inspired this new collection and what's the story behind these prints?:
Positivity, fun, and authenticity were the focus of the last one. My favorite was the “radiate positivity". This time, there’s a few things inspiring this collection: the thought that what you feel inside shows on the outside. And what you feel, your kids will feel. After years of hating myself, I am really looking at my children and going “do I want them to be that way?”. It’s more about generational wellness. And leading the best possible life that I can, for me. Yes, it’s for my kids, but in the end it all comes down to me. I love them, they are my world, but they’re not my whole world. I can’t rely on their happiness to make me happy, or else they’ll never learn to be happy.
And finally, don’t rely on compliments for confidence. When I was at my lowest weight, that’s what I was doing. I want to have confidence all on my own, and this collection reflects that mindset change.
Ride & Shine: Peloton has been and is a big part of my journey to self-love, and is in my every day life, so I knew that I wanted to include that in this line because I've very much fallen in love with this community.
Eggs à la Ashley: I knew as soon as we started talking about this second collection, I wanted eggs! When I shared how I make my eggs, which is kind of special, it's how a lot of people found me on social, and eventually my online community actually came up with this term, and it's stuck.
Yes You Can and Yes I Can: We allow ourselves to get in our head and think we can't do things, but it's so important to be reminded that you can, it'. And since it's been one of my favorites from the last collection, it felt right for the continuation of that thought to be "remove the can't". Plus, I wanted to be able to share that with my girls.
Remember Your Why: This is something simple that gets lost a lot of times in our journey. If you can remember why you want to be a better you, a healthier you, in those moments where it's not easy, it does help. I'll never forget the feedback I got from the first release of someone seeing their Authentic Ambition headband in the mirror, and it getting them through their tough workout.
Call Me on my Shell Phone: The mermaid concept has always held a special meaning in my heart, and I knew I wanted it to make a comeback. And I just love marble in general, so I love the design of this print!
"XOXO - Ashley": Of course, I had to include some of my favorite quotes from my instructors! This one was also named by someone in the online community, and I'm so happy to get to include this tribe in the creation process, too, because they've been such a huge support of me as well.
What is something you’re working toward for 2022?:
I just chose my 2022 word of the year: audacious. I want to embody that. Be bold, do the things that still frighten me, and learn that balance can come with more extremes, too. It’s got a negative connotation out in the world - but I want to flip it! I’ve always been an advocate for being open and talking about things that are outside of the comfort zone. I wanted the coconut word, not the vanilla word! I want to step out of the box more, and that’s where audacity lives: the fear.
Let’s end with some inspiration! What’s some of your favorite quotes?:
My favorite Coach Cody quote from Peloton: “If Brittany can survive 2007, you can survive this ride!”
My favorite from Coach Tunde: “Pain to power.”
A couple of others that have inspired me: “Accept where you are.”
“Be savage, not average.”
And to end, a classic from Cody: “Fix your wig, Boo!”
We've loved being able to work with Ashley on this brand new Authentic Ambition Collection, and now we want to hear from you! What's something that you've gone through that's helped you realize how strong you really are?
To keep up with Ashley, make sure you're following her on social media at @theashleyaf for even more of her magical encouragement in your feed!
Then, go order your favorites from the brand new Authentic Ambition Pt. II Collection, and tag us with #lilacmarketheadbandsblog modeling your new headband for a chance to be featured in our stories!
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